This is a new page, with the aim to allow our members to express themselves.
Lord God, help me
I am in pain
I am hurt
I am lost
I should be whole but I am not
I was so happy, now I am not
I think of death to end this pain
I cover the pain so none can see
I must make myself whole or the end it will be
The inner woman must prevail
The outer man must go
The shock of that day has all but destroyed me
The fight for my life goes unseen
The fight is hard and wears me down
The fight will be long and full of danger
The fight will be won when I am the woman I was meant to be
How could I know this could happen on that day?
I should have been one but it was not to be
In a moment when those words were spoken
My world collapsed and I was broken
Darkness fell upon me so I escaped the harshness of life
The reality returned and the pain
O God why did it happen!
Be Merciful O Lord and hear my pray
You made me both man and woman
Now make me woman
Then I can be at peace with myself
And live till death takes me in years to come
Here I am, in a Church
So tell me why Iím here
If You exist, then You must have heard
Each day of every year
How hard I prayed, how hard I wished
For ísomeoneí just to see
This is a shell I am standing in
Only inside is the íMEí.
I always hoped when I grew up
Iíd be just like my mum
Then puberty hit me hard and
There was no place to run.
So here I am, Iím in Your Church
Tell me who You see
Can You see inside the shell
If You looked, could You see me?
In the old days Ladies wore stockings
And some men found this quite shocking
These days they tend to wear tights
To give their men quite a fright
They also sometimes wear a slip
But men donít find that very hip
Some ladies tend to wear a dress
If they want to impress
Some of them will wear a skirt
When they want to act like a flirt
They can also put on a sweater
If they canít find nothing better
When they do put on their bra
They really do think that they are going far
When you see them in a Basque
Look away in aghast.
Who am I?
Strange to ask of one so young
To say my life has just begun
Is a lie
Who am I?
I am myself!
I am myself and in my teens
One of natures in-betweens
So who am I?
Lord you set me on the path that I must take
This path has been long and cruel
But the gift of peace and love you gave me, I learnt to use
And to those in need I freely gave of those gifts,
But ask for nothing in return.
I have forgiven those that say I will go to hell
But they donít know the hell I live each day
Now Lord you know I speak the truth
I canít go on as I am
Body and mind not as one
I must heal the rift that is my doom
Be with me O my Lord.
And be my guide in that path ahead
Along the way I must hurt those I love the most
Be there Lord to heal their wounds.
When the end is reached and I am one,
Lord give me strength and give me courage
To help those who follow my lonely path.
Am I a He or a She?
I know I am a She
But I am part He
I don't like the He
But He is part of me
I must be a She
But I will never be a complete She
So make me a She as near as can be
But I know part of me will always have a little He
I am between two worlds but belong to none
I am to be feared by women and feared by men
I do no hurt but I am hurt
I do no evil but evil is spoken of me
I can no longer cry as there are no tears left
I love all but loved by few
I see not as only darkness is ahead
I hear not as no kind words are spoken to me
I feel not for that only brings pain
I keep to myself for I am safe there
I know not who I am so I am lost
I am not in harmony for my body and mind is not as one
I have a cross to bear but am I strong enough to bear it
I cannot go back, as I would die
I cannot go forward as the loss would be greater than I can bear
I am in limbo carried by the currents of life
I have carried the burdens of life so far, I am tired, but can I carry them much further?
Darkness, Darkness all around
Where is the light that shone so bright?
The dark clouds of despair have hidden you
Where has hope gone that once pieced the gloom?
I did not ask for this to be
Mind of one, body of another
But God gave me this to bear
Why God, why me!
I must be one that is my hope
For this to be
I must suffer loss and suffer pain
And suffer the pity of all around
Those in harmony cannot know
The pain and despair I am in
I canít be as I am
So change I must, to be one
God give me strength, and give me courage
For I am weak and failing fast
Time for me to act
Or I will be no more.
I had a dream when I was a child
That dream was to a woman
But I was a boy, so it was a dream
My mind could not forget that dream
Nor could my body
But it was just a dream
I grew into a man but that dream was there
I met a woman and children came into this world
But the dream was still there
I lost a child and sadness was in my heart
Then my wife said, you are not a man, and my family left
But the dream was there and I was frightened
A great darkness descended on me and I wanted to be no more
But I fought the darkness and it went away
And the dream looked on and said I am you
I am a man you are a dream I will prove it
And I married again to prove I was a man
But the dream looked sadly on and knew it was not so
The woman said you are not a man and left
Then my brothers said you are needed by our parents
The dream said you are a woman care for them
So as the dream said I cared for them
The years passed and finally the burden was lifted
The dream returned and said I am who you should have been
I did not understand so I struggled and was in great turmoil
Then my mind cleared and rejoiced, my body trembled for it was right
Now I understand there was no dream it was my soul
I know now I have always been a woman and my soul is at peace
"MY FRIEND PETE"
Dear Pete we have only known each other a short while
You have made me the woman I am today
Even though you suffered all that time
Thank you dear friend
Pete you went through turmoil
You were very brave
You were strong
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT"
Itís not my fault; I am who I was born to be
I am who I am
I am me
I make you MAD
You make me SAD
God has chosen to make me this way.
I didnít choose it
It chose ME
To those I love who donít love me
Because Iím not who they want me to be
The pain I feel everyday
Because I was made this way
What more can I say
Itís not my fault
I WAS MADE THIS WAY
I canít do this lonely road no more.
I canít do this lonely road no more.
Crying to get to sleep.
No one there for me.
I want to go back being a man
Sit in the pub, get stoned, at least I got company.
Talk man talk again!!
This lonely road; and the end.
How am I going to cope alone?
The op; the healing; so long.
And still on a lonely road.
I canít walk in the pub;
The abuse I get.
Disowned by relatives, on this lonely Road.
The clothes Have got to go!!
Change my name back.
I DONíT WANT THAT!
But is that the only way to my sanity?
Lonely road again.
"THE DRAWERS OF MARIONETTES"
The Drawers where marionettes and chess pieces were
In lead white, yellows and blue, now sanded dry and raw
Wrapped in tissues of memories childhood past
Tangled and twisted in loving hands of dismissal cast over to you
Further discoveries of metaled buckles for waists drawn thin
Art Nouveaux treasures of dusted silver blades.
Once again drawn close to the heart
Hitting me hard with a yet ill-drawn card
In a draw found and bound
In a maroon box - cummerbunds I sat in
In a maroon box on circular castanet wheels
Of children's games playfully glittered sharp
Of Blue Brocade fancifully cut short to the high heel ankles
I walk in my mothers fragile lotus footsteps....
Of a day lost in endless play until evening and the day grown tall
Awakening unto night promised only shimmering delight
Until the Fall
Shattered to sleep, head first into endless crying night flight
I am a male poem
I am a female poem
Am I a proper
I am a lesbian poem
I am a gay poem
Am I a straight
I am a bisexual poem
Am I now a
I am a transsexual poem
Am I now a
I am a queer poem
So am I now
I am an asexual poem
Am I now a
I am a relationship poem
So am I not
This has been a
And I have been
But am I now
Now dear reader
I simply canít
Has the time
For you to play
"Guess the gender"
"The lady I want to be"
I am no more a beer swilling, womanising oaf!!
Iím lady snuggles,
a simple wine drinking girl at heart blossoming into womanhood!!.
OH Doctor, Doctor, with those strong steady hands, take away this horrible manhood
that has caused so much pain. Make me into the lady of my dreams.
I donít want new relationships; the one I love is in heaven.
I donít need counsellors or psychiatrists. I know what I want to be.
I had 50 plus years to become this lady.
I want to be a lady with kindness and caring,
I am turning into the lady I want to be.
I donít care if people canít handle it, selfish old me,
but I am as happy as the birds chirping at dawn,
meals out: meals in
All make me the lady I want to be.
Iíve finally become the person I should have been
Iíve finally found inner peace and Iím starting to love myself where before there was only hate
My body is now something that Iím proud to show off
Instead of feeling I have to hide it in shame under baggy clothes
My love for her is oh so real
Sheís changed the way my heart does feel
My womanís love makes me complete
To make her smile is such a treat
A womanís love is so much stronger
My doubts and fears are there no longer
"Being a Woman"
My life has changed since I became
The one who felt they were insane
My mind and body just didnít match
But finally my love Iíll catch
There now are two who Iíve discovered
To one Iím lover, to the other Iím mother
Theyíre in my life since Iíve become
The person whose mind and body are finally one
A woman is who I was meant to be
It's now so plain for all to see
Iím happier now than Iíve ever been
I think youíll find itís clear to be seen
"THE ME INSIDE"
Iíve finally found the one inside
Who all these years has had to hide
Itís not the one Iíd thought theyíd be
It seems Iíve lived with the wrong me.
She hid away from prying eyes
So none would ever hear her cries
The cries for help she could not say
To those whose help could show the way.
For all those years sheíd thought that she
Was living out a lie
Pretending to be someone who just
Was not like you or I.
The one inside, sheíd worn a mask
That made her looks like male
But none could know she really was
Travelling a different trail
Being a woman makes me look at love much more intensely than I ever did as a man
Being held and cuddled is so much more meaningful and important than physical sex
Loving someone and knowing they love you back is so wonderful
"Hopes and Dreams"
Ever since I was old enough to understand
That I was transgender it has been my
Dream to live and work as female and
To have surgery to align my physical
Gender with my mental gender,
For people to accept me as female which
Happens more each day.
My dreams have now moved on and I hope to find acceptance
From my children, which if I am honest
With myself may never happen.
I still dream of having the surgery and this is
Closer as I have been accepted by Charing Cross
Gender clinic for surgery
All I have to do is lose weight within a year.
It is also my dream to have facial feminisation
To see a woman looking back at me when
I look in the mirror. I live the life of a
Woman, all my friends accept me as female
And I have made so many friends.
I believe it is because I now accept myself and
Am at peace with who I am
They all support me and treat me as Me
And understand the journey I am on and
Support me and cheer me and many respect
My hopes and dreams and do all they
Can to help me.
I have found the world
Is full of wonderful people and a few
Ignorant ones too but I do my best to
Educate them and to stop them from being afraid
Because with understanding comes acceptance.
We all have dreams, some more achievable than others.
We all have hopes; some will never be realised but never stop hoping and dreaming.
Everything is possible